Happy Holidays. I'm a Sick Person.

Well hello again,

So happy holidays and new year from the Stitchin' Bitch. It's weird to think I've been sort of doing this for over a year now but I'm not sure if it counts because of how often I don't write about what I do. Among other things this year, I made a shitty Vanessa (Human Ursula) for like the last minute but I thought it was okay. Sometimes, I still wear the gold shell necklace because I have a problem.

Now that the holiday season is over, I figured I'd belatedly create a tutorial for you all. This is how my sister and I wrap holiday gifts because we're terrible people and our friends know it. It's basically like a sick Turducken with adorable stuffed animals and makes for a fun and violent unwrapping session. And now, without further a-do, here is my stuffed animal gift-wrap tutorial.

the things my friend has to put up with...

You will need.

1. A few stuffed animals of various sizes.

2. the present you intend on actually giving a person.

Pictured: 2 corgis, a rhinoceros and a tube of super glue.

3. a seam ripper (I have a beautiful, hand crafted, wood-handled one I wear as a necklace sometimes.)

4. a needle and thread

5. snips/scissors
6. a tag gun (optional)
7. a pretty morbid sense of humor.

It should go without saying but it is important to note, I'm using stuffed animals and this wrapping project is a joke. Yes I do give people presents this way but no I do not advocate murdering precious little animals for amusement. I feel like this is gonna get met some "you're sick!" messages from someone eventually.

Y'all have have no idea how sick I am.

How to do this shit:

1. choose your smallest stuffed animal. You work from smallest to largest because that's how you stuff things into other things (I suppose.) Locate the seam along it's belly that will be your ripping guide.

Feel free to anesthetize your plushie if you'd like.

2. Once you locate the seam, start to rip it. This will be fairly difficult but as soon as you find the thread, the seam will pretty much rip itself.

3. Once the puppy's tummy is open, stuff your present inside (This time it was a tube of superglue for a white elephant exchange.)

 4. Sew your little guy up.

 5. Next, locate your next stuffed animal. Note that this one didn't have a stomach seam.

6. In case you don't have a center seam, take your scissors and time for some cuttin'.

snip snip!

7. Start removing some fluff from your larger stuffed animal to make room for the baby one. Fluff will get EVERYWHERE so be careful.

 8. Next stuff your little stuffed animal into your slightly larger stuffed animal.

 9. Sew up your medium stuffed animal and repeat the process on your final stuffed animal.

But first give him a big ol' hug.

Loooots of stuffing to remove, there.

Sew him all up.

10. From there you're pretty much done but there was one last touch my sister added. Make a tag saying something horrible like "My tummy hurts." or just "Cut me open." which at least accurate.

11. Using a tag gun (I have no idea where you get them, we just... have one) attach your tag.

 12. Et Voila, your plush Turducken of horror is complete. If your gift recipient already owns a knife, feel free to just give them instructions. If they do not, a card with a knife taped to the inside is a good, just-this-side-of-derranged addition to the schtick.

My mother was concerned. Mostly because she REALLY loved the giant rhino.

My friends get it, my parents are good natured but concerned but honestly, it's a pretty big crowd pleaser amongst the weirder of us. So if you're looking for a fun way to present your present (is that right?) to someone who loves you and probably gets you. It's also SUPER funny if you can find a shark plush.

Happy New Years, Bitches!

Next time: whatever the hell I want. Maybe I'll start doing pattern reviews, that or a chain mail diy? Do people want to see chain mail? Or perhaps I'll do something COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. WOOOOOOOOOOO

Here's my pet cat, sitting on my butt:

Nnnnnnnow, we can talk about it.

It's that time again, ladies and gentledudes. Thanksgiving food is digesting in your bellies (if you're American) and you're pretty much sick of hearing out Thanksgiving and people playing Christmas music too early (if you're not... or even if you are.) that said, I'm ready to get this shit started! If anyone wants to give me shit for starting this before December has even started I have one thing to say to you:

Since this is technically a Thanksgiving post, here are the things I'm thankful for:

• The opportunity to become so much closer to many of my friends, and make new ones of old acquaintances 
• A healthy and only mildly dysfunctional family (although, what family isn't)
• communities of people who accept me and my insane pursuits
• the opportunities to continue and find new brilliant and terrible pursuits.  

That said, lets get this show on the road. The following is almost completely copypasta'd from the old post but I've made new friends and fussed a bit with examples. But just in case, read and get yourself a refresher.

Presenting the 2014 Holiday Wishlist Project!!!

So here we go: 

A few years ago- probably around 2009 as I was poking around DeviantArt, an artist I followed came up with this project. Here's how it goes:

The Basics:

You write a wish list, other people write wish lists. You peruse their wish lists and see if you can grant any of theirs, and others do the same. It's about making someone's holiday a little brighter, not OMFG GIVE ME PRESENTS. It's a nice feeling to give to others and grant their wishes, y'know?

Step 1:

Write a Christmas/Holiday wish list of 10 things. It can be any 10 wishes you'd like to have granted, no matter what they are, possible or impossible. They can be simple and fun (I'd love a drawing of my favorite fandom pairing) to medium (I would like a copy of Black Swan) to big and over the top (I want a new house/computer/mini motorbike) to kind of technically un-grantable. (I want to ace all my classes this semester) Just things that you truly wish for this holiday season.

Post that list on the Holiday Wish List Event Page as a SEPARATE POST. Let me be clear, EVERY WISHLIST GETS IT'S OWN POST. That way people don't get confused with who's wishing for what.

Step 2

Poke around on the event page to see what other people have wished for, and here's where the magic happens: if you see a wish that you can grant, do so and make someone's wish come true! Perhaps you have an old leather jacket that you don't want anymore or a gift certificate you don't use- or who knows? Maybe your cat just had kittens and someone needs a furry new companion! Are you an expert at Physics and someone wished for a good grade in PHYS 101? Why don't you offer your hand at tutoring?

Remember, the key to this project is not to put people out, it's just a chance to help people who you might not have known you could have helped in the first place. Gifts can even be made anonymously if you'd like.

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And that's about it. There are no super specific rules, no guarantees, and no strings attached. Just wish and send it out and maybe it'll come true. Give and you might receive and you'll get the joy of knowing you made someone's holiday special!

And if you'd like to know: 

My holiday wish list:

1. To pass all my classes this semester and graduate in the spring
2. An internship and eventually entry-level job that asks me to use at least some of the skills I've studied here at Uni.
3. to learn to drape
4. More ballet shrugs and other dance clothes
5. a goddamn silicone mermaid tail (or at least the time, energy and space to make my own.)
6. Holiday parties. Lots of them. The dress up kind. Also just more get togethers with lots of my good friends
7. A new garment rack that is small enough to fit in my tiny bedroom
8. Time and funds for new costumes!
9. A banjo... and maybe lessons.
10. A mistletoe kiss. (traditional at this point)

the project event page is linked here so if you for some reason are reading this and aren't my friend on facebook: here you go!

https://www.facebook.com/events/529627010473706/?ref_dashboard_filter=upcoming